So the good news is that there were two sibling referrals in the past week, the bad news for us is that neither of them went to people who had waited longer than us, so our name is not closer to the top:( I guess we and several other families are requesting two young children or at least asking for siblings where one of them is under 12 months of age...so the wait continues and I am trying hard to stay busy. I am constantly reminded that this process of adoption is unique. I can't plan, like my friends who have had kids naturally, for 9 m0nths. I can hope tentatively for a time line but it could still be months till we get a referral and that is a gloomy thought when you've wanted a baby for so long. So how do I not get discouraged? I go through stages of staying busy, of trying to enjoy these "last months" of being married without children, of working on projects or growing my practice or knowledge in my career field...but I feel like I've been trying to do these same things for such a long time...first when we were trying (2003-2007) to get pregnant and now I can't help but feel some of those feelings of hope deferred again...I'm almost scared to hope too much because I'm afraid of being disappointed again. Soloman was right, hope deferred makes the heart sick. Sometimes just feel like alright, enough waiting, I'm ready to get this mom stage started...So the struggle continues-indulgence of thoughts focused on myself.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick but desire fulfilled is the tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
I am much better off being thankful, focused on the enormous blessings of all God has given me-those areas that I have hoped for and received in abundance! To name a few; a wonderful husband, friends and family who love me, my own practice, and now the amazing miracle of going through the adoption process with the hopes of becoming a mom to two kids who are born in ETHIOPIA! Who would have thought???And only in this time in history is something like this possible. Only with my husband's incredible faith, believing that this could all come together back when we decided over a year ago to start this process have we moved forward. And only through God's provision that we have been able to save the money we have to afford a step like this. It is a very unique and special privilege to be here to be waiting for my dear babies to be at a place in their lives that I can step in and be their Mom and Sean can be their Dad. I SO want to see my sweet husband with these kids. He will be such a good Dad. I get sad and impatient because I am so excited. I am excited about the dumbest things, bath times and taking walks and playing at the beach and making meals and teaching them. I think about it all the time, how my life will be different once they come..my visions are probably still a little romantic, unrealistic but maybe that is okay, part of the process that brings you to be a parent. I know there will be hard times once they come too but I think am learning that having children is not a right but a gift, not a stage of life but privlege for a short time. No child is mine to possess but God's whom I am gifted to raise on His time, not mine. I'm praying for you sweet babies! I hope you sleep well tonight.
Isaiah 40 says that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength! His ways are higher and better than mine! What peace this brings:)
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3 comments:
Rachel: I think of the scripture at the top of my blog: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a HOPE and a future."
It's always disappointing when referrals come in and you have been waiting forever but from this post it sounds like you are relying on the Lord to bring you through this horribly long wait and doing so with a positive attitude even though we want to lay down in bed with the covers over our heads and wail...( I did that once or twice during my wait;)
Well, here I am writing a novel but know I will keep you in my prayers. I HOPE your time of hearing about your babies is very soon!! Can't wait til we're all celebrating with YOU!
rachel, i'm just catching up on your adoption story and reading this post and crying. it is all so beautifully written and you so beautifully understand being a mother and the privilege it is even now! you are going to be such a wonderful mother, and i say that, knowing the person that you are and these beautiful words that you have written in expectation of being a mother!
Well Said !! I couldn't agree more !
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