Thursday, June 26, 2008

A better day!

Our CHI friends who have been waiting for siblings since December got their referral TODAY!!! YEAH This gives us much hope that our request is possible. We are so happy for them. Visit their blog at http://lisaandshawnsethiopianjourney.blogspot.com/

There were 4 other referrals of babies as well! I keep singing the childrens song
"my God is so BIG so strong and so MIGHTY there's nothing my God can not do".... its stuck in my head today....

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

a little dissapointing

So the good news is that there were two sibling referrals in the past week, the bad news for us is that neither of them went to people who had waited longer than us, so our name is not closer to the top:( I guess we and several other families are requesting two young children or at least asking for siblings where one of them is under 12 months of age...so the wait continues and I am trying hard to stay busy. I am constantly reminded that this process of adoption is unique. I can't plan, like my friends who have had kids naturally, for 9 m0nths. I can hope tentatively for a time line but it could still be months till we get a referral and that is a gloomy thought when you've wanted a baby for so long. So how do I not get discouraged? I go through stages of staying busy, of trying to enjoy these "last months" of being married without children, of working on projects or growing my practice or knowledge in my career field...but I feel like I've been trying to do these same things for such a long time...first when we were trying (2003-2007) to get pregnant and now I can't help but feel some of those feelings of hope deferred again...I'm almost scared to hope too much because I'm afraid of being disappointed again. Soloman was right, hope deferred makes the heart sick. Sometimes just feel like alright, enough waiting, I'm ready to get this mom stage started...So the struggle continues-indulgence of thoughts focused on myself.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick but desire fulfilled is the tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

I am much better off being thankful, focused on the enormous blessings of all God has given me-those areas that I have hoped for and received in abundance! To name a few; a wonderful husband, friends and family who love me, my own practice, and now the amazing miracle of going through the adoption process with the hopes of becoming a mom to two kids who are born in ETHIOPIA! Who would have thought???And only in this time in history is something like this possible. Only with my husband's incredible faith, believing that this could all come together back when we decided over a year ago to start this process have we moved forward. And only through God's provision that we have been able to save the money we have to afford a step like this. It is a very unique and special privilege to be here to be waiting for my dear babies to be at a place in their lives that I can step in and be their Mom and Sean can be their Dad. I SO want to see my sweet husband with these kids. He will be such a good Dad. I get sad and impatient because I am so excited. I am excited about the dumbest things, bath times and taking walks and playing at the beach and making meals and teaching them. I think about it all the time, how my life will be different once they come..my visions are probably still a little romantic, unrealistic but maybe that is okay, part of the process that brings you to be a parent. I know there will be hard times once they come too but I think am learning that having children is not a right but a gift, not a stage of life but privlege for a short time. No child is mine to possess but God's whom I am gifted to raise on His time, not mine. I'm praying for you sweet babies! I hope you sleep well tonight.


Isaiah 40 says that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength! His ways are higher and better than mine! What peace this brings:)

Monday, June 23, 2008

Yeah today was a sibling referral! I hope it was someone ahead of us...I'm thinking it was which puts our name a little closer to the top. There seem to be a lot of referrals for individual kids but few for siblings and I know we are asking for two very little ones so I find myself asking "will this really happen" or "should we change our referral request"??? We think and pray about this but right now we still feel like our request is possible so we must just continue to be patient...so I will keep praying for them and wondering where they are and what they are doing and who is caring for them. There are some really beautiful blogs out there of families who have gone before us and it is encouraging to look back in their blog history and see that they also had to go through a long wait time. I will put them on my blog so you can see them if you would like to. It is easy to get discouraged and think, "will this ever happen", "will I ever get to be a mom?" but I have to trust that it will happen at the right time. Maybe the babies God wants for us aren't ready to be adopted, but I think about them every day and I hope every week that more sibling referrals will come in and that maybe someday soon we will get that call...

Why siblings? For us we know that we want more than one kid and going through this adoption process is SO long that it seems logical to get two kids at the same time. I also really like the idea of our kids having a biological connection in this world, and a sibling to grow up with. My fears are that I will have less individual focused time with each kid but for the most part I have peace about this and will just have to roll with the punches life brings. When I picture our kids I never picture one but two, I may be crazy for wanting them to come at the same time but this is always what both Sean and I have felt from the beginning, that there are two babies who will be ours.

Anyway I thought I would share some of my thoughts. Sean is in the Philippines this week. Another new country-he's up to thirty something, getting close to 40 countries now that he's visited! I am already starting to think about adopting another baby from Asia after we get these two! I better see how I adjust to being a mom first!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sean and I just returned from India. It was a great whirl wind trip-Long plane rides but a great week in a very different place. We had several days to relax, enjoy the beach and the tourist sites near Chennai and one day of visiting work that World Vision is doing with AIDS victims, at an orphanage and at a site that works with woman who have the horrible disease. We were able to talk with them and hear their stories, wow. It reminded me of my humble place in this adoption process. When I get impatient that we have not gotten a referral yet, I need to remember the families that are having to give up their kids due to insurmountable circumstances. They may be experiencing their last days with their children before having to give them up forever. In any case God is teaching me that his ways are higher than mine and I must trust this process that is in his hands.
I am now back here in Bonney Lake, Sean is getting ready for his next trip and recovering from a nasty flu he had over the weekend. I have reopened my practice as the wait for siblings is currently quite long and our possible move to India has been canceled. Interestingly I really liked India and I wouldn't have minded staying a little longer:)